Am I The Only One…

…who is not impressed by Morning Musume’s upcoming single? To celebrate the upcoming release date, I’m going to spend my entire Saturday afternoon explaining my deep-rooted, disappointed frustration with this single. I’m even going to do something I’ve never done: use a boatload of screenshots and gifs! It’s only courteous to show exactly what I’m disappointed of. If you think this single is possibly the greatest thing that Morning Musume has ever released, or like it in even the slightest, I suggest you turn away from this post now. I’m literally going to be ripping this single apart. Or, if you have a shitty Internet connection, I’d say you might not want to click “continue.” I also apologize for the rather crappy gif quality. I use the pathetic Photoshop equivalent, GIMP, and creating gifs on that shit will probably take me decades; so a silly online creator was used. Now that I’ve warned you…

The first of the triple A-sides, Egao no Kimi wa Taiyou sa, is probably the track and video that I have the least issues with. Thankfully, there is some sort of effort put into this one. The video is, fortunately, pretty and fairly well-done. Granted, there is really only a dance-shot and few close-ups, but the effects added to the video keep it looking fresh and original. It’s clear that the camera crew’s funky ideas for filming the dance-shot paid off; we have a lot of bird’s-eye-view shots, as well as closer shots that capture the viewer’s attention. Of course, the bursts of graphics underneath and around the girls are impossible to ignore; they clearly make the pure white setting interesting to look at. What I especially love is the bluish and pinkish filters that overlay the video throughout the close-ups and parts of the dance-shot. It makes the video as a whole breathe a sweet, innocent vibe. Let’s not forget the smiling and lovely shots of the girls. I think all of them look absolutely beautiful in this PV. Seriously, the stylists have finally figured out that Sakura and Masaki do not look good with bangs:

omgsomethingdoneright aplusnumber2

Fuck, if you don’t think she looks damn good, you’re an ass.

omgyay

I still don’t think Masaki is particularly cute, but finally, she’s styled well.

The outfits end up being glorified S/mileage costumes, but at least they’re way better.

The song, you say? It could be better. Everyone seems to be calling it the Seishun Collection of the RoboMusume Era, which isn’t a bad thing. However, the flow of this particular song is compromised at times. I would have liked it a lot better if it didn’t try to be a dubstep-infused song during the dance breaks. I don’t mind the step/clap parts, because they actually work, but the wannabe-electro definitely drags this song’s likability down. The lyrics are a bit weird at times, and it’s clear during the first listen. There are times where the lyricist decided to squeeze in 19 syllables in 2 seconds, and it does not sound right. However, after a few listens, it becomes normal and barely noticeable.

I do have a few bones to pick with the choreography, but overall, I can’t give it too much crap. There are times in which the formations and whatnot look really cool and I can’t complain. Unfortunately, there isn’t an official dance-shot out just yet. Since the PV is faithfully sprinkled with other shots, I can’t make very good gifs of the dance from it.

This is probably the only positive things you’ll hear from me about this release.

This.

This is where it gets bad, guys.

First, let me begin with the song. It sucks. It’s been an absolute mess since I first heard the girls perform it on J-MELO. What in the hell made Tsunku think this was a suitable song to put on a single? Hear that sound? It’s the sound of my head exploding. This song is all over the place. However, the goddamn birds chirping are constant throughout the whole thing, you can at least count on that. The crap(no, it’s not a song, it’s crap) is so goddamn loud and hyper that it refuses to even maintain some sort of consistency. It’s a shitty, busy, disappointing mess.

If I hadn’t already crushed all your hopes and dreams by now, please continue, it gets even better.

Somehow, Momusu otaku are going on and on about how “superbly fawking fantastic” the dance is. And I must say… Where the fuck are their eyes? This shit is just as messy as the as the song.

You’re telling me, their choreographer really expects me to believe this is a dance move? Are you shitting me? This is what we’ve resorted to now? A bunch of goddamn flailing?

This snake thing just makes me angry. Really? You all look fucking stupid.

lulzayumiAyumi: Rawr, save us, look at how stoopid we look.

whateveryouredoingstopThis looks insanely awkward and just plain dumb.

doesntevenscreenshotwellMore anger at the fact that this doesn’t even screenshot well. Only five of them are even doing the same thing.

It took 3 watches of the video to even realize this is supposed to be a heart. Shitty.

shittyawkwardslouchingYay, shitty awkward slouching that is shitty and awkward!

Really, what is this? Not only is the song a trainwreck, but so is the dance. Was the choreographer on crack? There is no other way to explain all this flailing.

The dance aside, who created this video? Did they really think it was okay to just shit out some concert footage? You know, I like live footage as much as the next fan, but to just throw some bullshit together and call it a PV blows my mind. UFP might as well had never made a video in the first place. I mean, they could have at least glorified it and made it look pretty. But no, too much work, amirite? And then there are a handful of fans who are just like, “i dun mind cuz i’m simple n i like concertz.” But they know damn well if UFP shitted out a half-assed PV, they’d be the first ones to be like, “OMGBUDGETOMGSOLAMEOMG.” Really? Because, fuck you.

Who knows? Maybe Tsunku wanted this song and dance to be an insane pile of nonsense just for the hell of it and I don’t even realize it.

Yay to more shitting around.

Hey, at least Ayumi and Riho got a pretty good solo dance in the very beginning. I actually like it despite those two members boring the shit out of me.

But guess what. It isn’t long before Morning Musume end up disappointing me.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the girls end up with scoliosis in the near future. I’ve seen some sort of variation of this goddamn slouchy step move in literally the past nine singles:

One.Two.Three …

Wakuteka Take a chance(even the godforsaken praying circle is combined with this) …

Help me!!...

Help me!! …

Kimi Sae …

Wagamama …

Ai no Gundan …

Is it really that hard to realize how overused the ugly slouching is becoming?

I’m sure you’ve all noticed the terrible green-screen by now. It illuminates on all of the members’ hair, especially the dark-haired ones.

thelazyhurtsComic Sans MS was used to prove how lame this editing crew was. Fuckers.

But let’s take a moment to celebrate Haruka’s sheer awesomeness in the close-ups.

And hey, at least the dance break is pretty well done.

But of course, the abused praying circle has to join the party. Lets see how many times this has come around:

http---makeagif.com--media-1-25-2014-jfMRCc

Well, well, well. Why am I not surprised?

It’s moments like these that really make me question Morning Musume’s actual dancing changes. It’s no doubt that the current girls have fantastic energy and give 100% in their performances. However, is it really the same Morning Musume choreography we’ve seen all along just with more attention to formations? Really, I wish this dance was never created because it makes me question everything I thought I believed about Morning Musume.

Thankfully, this song is listenable. It doesn’t sound very original, though. Honestly, I feel like I’ve heard it somewhere. But, at least it isn’t as shitty as the previous.

By the way, the video was a sad excuse for a promotional video.

Egao no Kimi wa Taiyou sa / Kimi no Kawari wa Iyashinai / What is LOVE? drops its stench bomb on January 29th. Look, it pissed me off so much that I reviewed it out of order.

But let me not end this post so harshly. Here’s an absolutely flawless gif of the Queen.

This made me happy.

One thought on “Am I The Only One…

  1. Pingback: Recommended Jpop♀ Reading: January 25, 2014 | Idolminded

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