I haven’t been mentally well lately. Bad thing after bad thing seems to pummel my life endlessly as of late. And…there’s only so much a person can take. I like to consider myself a strong girl, but even the strong ones have a breaking point.
I’m a very reserved person in a way. How others mask their hurt with jokes or clowning, I use my smile and charisma. People automatically know when I’m upset–my huge brown eyes aren’t sparkling and my small teeth aren’t showing. I don’t like to let people in. I don’t believe anyone has the right to know. I’m very particular about who I trust since whoever I do end up telling my personal problems ends up betraying me in the end. And, unfortunately, the person who I’ve trusted with all of my heart and soul is slowly deteriorating and there’s nothing I can do about it.
If you’ve read my new-and-improved About Me page, you’d know that idols are my escape. I can log onto my computer and search up all the pictures of rainbows and unicorns shooting our of their asses for as long as I desire. Quite frankly, idols do their job. They create this perfect persona of beauty and flawlessness for me to dive into. They’re kind of like those people you secretly admire during your high school years but you never actually meet–you just know their names. I know there are plenty of girls that I’d love to be friends with because I adore their fashion sense or aura, but I’ll never get the chance to introduce myself to them–mostly because I’m intimidated like hell(which is off for a person like me). Maybe it’s just a girl thing.
But let me get into the main point of this very lifeless post. Hikaru Utada released a song after her two-year hiatus called Sakura Nagashi. This song was released months ago but I never gave myself the opportunity to listen to it despite Hikaru being one of my role models. But a few weeks ago, I finally gave it a listen…
I’m sorry to say, but Ailee has nothing on this.
This song made me bawl first listen. Despite my limited Japanese, this song really touched me. The emotion pouring through it is unforgettable. I’ve had ballads make me stop and think, made me repeat, made me listen, but never have I ever had a song that made me cry uncontrollably the first listen.
Even though the lyrics are focused around motherhood, it connected to me in a different way. Reading the translation and repeating the song over and over made me think of acceptance, beginnings, and strength. This song changed me a little. It made me a little stronger. And with every listen, that nagging voice telling me to break down and show my weakness gets quieter and quieter. The fact that the music itself is so powerful and infectious makes it even that better of a song.
Even if you aren’t a ballad fan, even if you’ve never listened to Hikaru Utada, even if you really don’t have anything in your life to worry about, listen to this song. Because if you are one of those people that thinks about giving up because it’s too hard, listen to this song. No, don’t just listen to this song. Feel this song. Really sit down with some top-notch headphones and blast this song. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel not a bit emotion.
Thank you, Hikaru, for reminding me–and us–that everything is worth fighting for. Thank you for reminding us that we are strong individuals no matter where we come from or where we are right now. Thank you for making me just a teensy bit happier. Thank you for this song.