No Bathroom Tiles This Time!

Well aren’t you in for a treat this Saturday. Two posts in one day!? Sounds like a party! Over this past week, Morning Musume’s upcoming single’s covers were released and it’s time for yours truly to talk some trash! And for whatever reason, I had a dream that after I posted this article, the PV released(why are my dreams so fucking stupid?). I don’t like that shit.

Morning Musume - Help me!! (Regular A)
I won’t lie. The style of the graphic is nice. The scratched, grungy background; a perfect blue color to allow everyone to stand out; the lettering is perfect; and how the girls are arranged is a great touch. But what the HELL are Sakura and Riho doing? Who in the HELL told them to pose like that?? If you wanted 80 year-old women to do a sexy pose, why not just get two 80 year-old women!? Also, I would’ve loved to see just a plain old solo by Sakura, rather than a duet with MM’s “Ace.” Can you just like…go away, kid?

01. Help me!!

02. Daisuki Dakara Zettai Yurusanai [Sakura Oda & Riho Sayashi]

03. Help me!! (Regular Edition)

Morning Musume - Help me!! (Regular B)
What shit-tard decided to make two Regular editions? I prefer Reg. A’s cover much more. Do you see how messy this looks with all of the girls in their hooker costumes? It’s a disaster. On top of that, the corny skyscrapers and weird colors in the background don’t help much.

01. Help me!!

02. Happy Daisakusen

03. Help me!!

Morning Musume - Help me!! (Limited A)
Well hay dere, Kanon. Lookin’ for a good time? This cover is a step up, but still a little off. I like the polygonal shapes, but the yellow, green, and indigo are a bit off-putting. The dark shadows aren’t very necessary either. What did I say about sticking to black, UFP?

01. Help me!!

02. Happy Daisakusen

03. Help me!! (Instrumental)

Morning Musume - Help me!! (Limited B)
Not bad, but I feel like they’re stuck inside the trainwreck that was the Renai Hunter PV. We’ve seen it before and it’s a safe approach. Kanon, again, looks gorgeous. But whoa there, Sakura. You need to do something with that hair because you look like a male.

01. Help me!!

02. Happy Daisakusen

03. Help me!! (Instrumental)

Morning Musume - Help me!! (Limited C)
… What? Were they just fucking around with the stock images on the iPod touch? For one, those shadows are just BAD. For two, brick? For three, WHY? How in the hell does brick even remotely come close to matching with cheetah/leopard/jaguar print and fuchsia? They’re high. This is the only possible explanation.

01. Help me!!

02. Happy Daisakusen

03. Help me!! (Instrumental)

Morning Musume - Help me!! (Limited D)
I really love this background. However, it looks like they got lazy and decided to use the “copy shadow” tool on Photoshop. What’s up with all this shadowing? It looks pathetic.And is that your arm spurting from out of your head, Mizuki?

01. Help me!!

02. Aishuu Romantic [Sayumi Michishige & Mizuki Fukumura]

03. Help me!! (Instrumental)

Morning Musume - Help me!! (Limited E)
Probably the best cover. Why? BLACK. I hate how it looks like they left out the whole right side of Haruna’s head. And holy cow, Ayumi. Do you see how curls changes a girl’s whole appearance?

01. Help me!!

02. Watashi no Dekkai Hana [Reina Tanaka, Haruna Iikubo, Ayumi Ishida]

03. Help me!! (Instrumental)

My Huge Flower, huh? Why does that sound like a dirty innuendo?

Morning Musume - Help me!! (Limited F)
BUILDINGS. WHY ARE THERE BUILDINGS?? However, these bowties and ties are making me happy. Masaki, holy crap, you look adorable. Haruka’s boyishly cute outfit is freaking perfect. Erina’s pale skin looks amazing against that gothic-looking dress. And OMG, that dress and print on Kanon is bea-u-ti-ful.

01. Help me!!

02. Nani wa Tomo Are! [Erina Ikuta, Kanon Suzuki, Masaki Satou, Haruka Kudou]

03. Help me!! (Instrumental)

These covers are HUGE step up from Wakuteka‘s disaster of covers. Despite some drawbacks, the overall appearance is decent. I’m really not enjoying the abuse of shadow drop.. In addition, second costumes! Thankfully, we only had to endure the mess of the hooker costumes for two covers. The other outfits are fantastic and every single member rocks their outfit perfectly. I’m just getting the feeling that the title is a plea from behind-the-scenes; as in, “Help me!! I have to work for these morons!”

Help me!! is set to release on January 23rd, 2013.

2 thoughts on “No Bathroom Tiles This Time!

  1. Pingback: Recommended Reading: December 22nd, 2012 | Idolminded

  2. The 3rd and 4th ones are the simplest and less biased (if someone who is not a fan was looking at it). I do really like the last one the most though, really do not like Sakura-Riho’s one. It’s just really strange to me >_<

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