One・Two・Three, FIGHT!

Morning Musume’s newest single has people going PSYCHOTIC. Chairs are flying, fists are being thrown, and hair is being pulled.

Okay, maybe not really, but it might as well be true! I’ve never seen so much talk about a single since…since…eh, I don’t even know! Period blood is being splattered all over the face of the interwebs. People like it, people hate it, people ADORE it, people DESPISE it–I don’t even know what’s what anymore! But you know what time it is? ADVENTURE TIME!–ahem, I mean. It’s time for Kio’s take on it. Get ready for a long, unnecessary post on what I think about Morning Musume’s 50th single.

If you were at a CD store, the first thing that draws you to an item is its cover, correct? Let’s start by analyzing each of the 900 covers.

1. One・Two・Three

2. The Matenrou Show

3. One・Two・Three (Instrumental)

4. The Matenrou Show (Instrumental)

…Wtf? Why are they in a bathroom!? Even if that wasn’t the look the editors were going for, wouldn’t they have at least noticed the colors looked a bit, I don’t know, BATHROOMY?? I wouldn’t have minded the cover that much if it just had a pure black background. What a retarded cover. I don’t even…

1. One・Two・Three

2. The Matenrou Show

3. Watashi no Jidai! [Sayumi Michishige & Reina Tanaka]

4. One・Two・Three (Instrumental)

5. The Matenrou Show (Instrumental)

Okay, Limited A is much cuter. It’s sweet and pretty without doing too much. However, does it really match the image of the single? Not really. Princess Sayumi & Reina’s cover is a bit bland. I wish they could’ve used a different type of lighting or background.

1. One・Two・Three

2. The Matenrou Show

3. Aisaretai no ni… [Mizuki Fukumura, Erina Ikuta, Riho Sayashi, & Kanon Suzuki]

4. One・Two・Three (Instrumental)

5. The Matenrou Show (Instrumental)

I like Limited C. Even though I think it still looks a little too cute, it’s pretty. I like the simplicity of it. Same goes for the kyuukies’ cover. Very pretty and simple. Again, not much of a emphasizer for the single.

1. One・Two・Three

2. The Matenrou Show

3. Seishun Domannaka [Haruna Iikubo, Ayumi Ishida, Masaki Satou, & Haruka Kudou]

4. One・Two・Three (Instrumental)

5. The Matenrou Show (Instrumental)

Yay! My advice has been heeded~ Black makes anything better, especially when you’re dealing with a dramatic, electro song like the first a-side. No extra attention on anyone, no stupid out-of-place designs–just good, clean Morning Musume. Limited F is cute and sassy. A nice vintage touch never hurt anyone. Btw, can I just like…have Haruna? Bitch is a goddess.

Okay, all in all, the covers aren’t bad in the least. The cheapest looking one is probably ReinaxSayumi’s cover, but who cares. Even though I really don’t believe any of them(except E) promotes the image of the single, I think the editors did a fairly good job. Oh wait, regular edition is shitty, too. Hm…

Next up, outfits! You open up the CD jacket and begin strolling through all the group members’ photos…

Sayumi really doesn’t give or take anything for me–which is sad. She could have pulled off something so much cuter, like two high pigtails, or even her hair all down. It looks too boring and simple for Princess Sayu. She just doesn’t look like riida-san to me.

The same deal with Reina. The side ponytail with an oversized bow is so overused with her, it’s become stale. There’s just nothing new or exciting here.

I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t have a lot of faith in Mizuki in the beginning, but I’m already starting to see her blossom. But I’m definitely not going to sit here and call her sexy–like wtf? Not only does that make me cringe, but I can just tell she’s trying. In every single cover, she does that Risako pout(you ALL know what that is) and is trying way too hard to be all attractive and sultry. It’s just awkward.

I’m still very confused about why netizens continue to call Erina “absolutely, stunningly beautiful.” Honestly, she kind of reminds me of a butthole. Literally. A butthole. And that fucking grape purple isn’t her color.

Er. She looks nice, I guess. Nothing really special here, in my eyes, except that her hair is over one shoulder. Congrats? Oh, and she looks nice in red. But uh, same old smug, uninteresting Riho.

Kanon, what the fuck are they doing to your hair? I don’t even understand. You look like some sort of oompa-loompa/Dr. Seuss hybrid character. Just when you think they’d stop with the awful Wada-ponytails, they pull this shit. Whatever, at least she’s fucking adorable.

Not only is Haruna actually stunningly beautiful, this brown is refreshing amidst the Skittle jar. And she works it so damn well along with those Sayumingland Doll horns. I’m totally doing that to my hair one day. And, just to add, I wonder how this brown is going to work with glowsticks? Hmm…

I’m loving the electric blue, but on Ayumi? Not so much. And what the hell were they trying to do with her hair? A Lady Gaga-esque bow? Because all I see are two lumps they couldn’t detangle.

Masaki, what did they do with your teal boots? That green is uh…not working. And finally, I can approve of Masaki’s bangs. The blunt look definitely looks good, even if they are still a bit wide. I think she looks very cute.

Haruka looks very pretty. Not hott, not sexy, not twerkable, or any of the above. I love the way her hair is done; it’s sassy and adds a lot of flavor to her pixie-cut. Orange is also a very good color on her. I like the fact that she doesn’t look way too mature or way young. Perfection.

Overall, I really like the outfits. The corset-infused style is sassy and mature enough for the older members and sweet and delicate enough for the younger ones. The splash of member colors is an awesome touch because it gives a unique flair to each individual girl. And at the same time, I’m disturbed with the number of people calling 12 year-olds hott. Really? I don’t mind if you’re joking around or being over-exaggerative, but it honestly makes me cringe whenever I read it. Imagine that were your 12 year-old daughter and older guys and girls were calling her hott and sexy–that’s fucking weird.

Now, you open the case and pop the CD into your computer. And the tracks begin…

01. One・Two・Three

The question of whether or not the song is actually good is what have people so worked up. To this, I say: it is about your own goddamn preference. Obviously, if you don’t like electro/trance songs, you won’t like this–fair warning. I, personally, love the song. I think it’s a huge step up from their slump of singles since Kono Chikyuu. It’s catchy, it’s fun, it’s danceable–I fucking love it. At first, I thought Reina was doing the WOW’s but it ended up being Riho–and frankly, I hate those. She sounds like a screeching spider monkey. All that aside, the only thing I have to say to people who are bashing it: I truly hope you didn’t like Buono!’s partenza or MoMusu’s Only you, because that would be very hypocritical of you.

02. The Matenrou Show

And the funk comes out. A super exciting Mr. Moonlight-esque song comes out of the woodwork. Seriously, if you liked Mr. Moonlight, you’d like this song. It’s very happy and high-tempo. You all know I love my disco/funky songs. I don’t think it’s up to par with the first a-side, but I like it.

The two main tracks are great. They’re kind of strange together, but I like them. They’re energetic, fun, and upbeat. There’s really no huge downside to this single yet.

You also got the DVD version! So, you take out the CD and insert the DVD. The first a-side track’s PV begins…

The PV is basically all dance shot and close ups. There is also some moments where the girls are frozen like mannequins. Singing here, dancing here, and plenty of fucking sparkles. So many people were flipping out over this PV, but what’s my verdict on it?

I like it.

Yeah, I actually like it.

I’m not saying it’s they’re strongest PV ever, because it’s not. And it does have some downsides. But honestly, I don’t think it’s all that bad. There’s a lotttt of cutting. It reminds me so much of a K-pop video. Literally, no scene is left alone for more than 2 seconds. And there’s plenty of effects. And of course, everyone seems to complain about effects. But unlike Berryz Koubou’s Ai no Dangan, the effects actually look good! There’s flashes and sparkles and lighting changes. It suits the image. There’s mirrors! I love the mirror effect. I love it so much more than the girls just standing in front of fucking dangly sparkles like they have used since Only you.

Oh, and guess what? Everyone gets plenty of screen time.

Yes, assholes. Every single member gets at least 5 seconds of screen time. Of course, Riho is breaking my computer screen and ear drums every few seconds. Unfortunately the only girl I barely saw was Kanon. Wtf? And she looks bored as fuck. She’s pissed, UFA.

I wish they could’ve used the mannequin-esque shots a little more during the second half of the PV. But eh.

After the PV, you decide to take a look at the dance shot and judge all the girls’ flailing arms and legs…

First off: the set is horrendous. I don’t even understand where the gold was pulled from. If they would’ve just taken down my grandmother’s drapes, everything would’ve been okay.

Secondly: the fuck is wrong with Reina? Haruka looks hella better than her! Did she not want her bow flying off? She’s dancing like a sleepy 6 year old.

Other than that, I think everyone did really well. Haruna didn’t look as sloppy as the live performance and even Sayumi looked up to par. The dance is good, too. I like the movement. Everyone is constantly moving, no sloppy ass routine, and no awkward dance moves(coughrenaihuntercough).

The real reason I decided to do this article is because of the amount of shit circulating around this single. People just don’t seem to understand that opinions are opinions and not respecting each other’s is what creates all this bullshit on the interwebs. Being able to say “Hey, I dislike this song because …” instead of “OMG! THIS SONG IS SHIT! EVERYONE WHO LIKES IT IS FUCKING RETARDED!” is called fucking maturity, people. Gain some.

Moving on from my small speech, I don’t think it’s Morning Musume’s greatest single ever. But I don’t think it’s their worst. For a 50th single, I like it. Both tracks are fun and listenable, while the actual promotion is good. Outfits are cute and spunky and the girls look great. One Two Three‘s PV isn’t bad but if you’re expecting a lot, you’ll be let down.

P.S. Stop calling 12 year old girls hott; it’s creepy. You’ll lose friends.


2 thoughts on “One・Two・Three, FIGHT!

  1. Pingback: Recommended Reading: June 23rd, 2012 | Idolminded

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